I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
