DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
