I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
