yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
