she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
