oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
porn star boner night. come get it.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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