So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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