Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
