I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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