the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
