Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
She's not a foreskin expert like you
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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