I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
