I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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