After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
you had me at cake vodka
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize