she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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