I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
