Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Why is there bacon in the couch?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
