The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
