I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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