i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
