mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
