im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
