I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
