You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
