Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Is it penis luge time yet?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
