Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I faked an abortion last night.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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