my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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