she woke up with a sticky ear
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
