things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
