Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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