I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
