it wasn't lemon gatorade
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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