I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
