And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
