I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
