I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize