Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
