i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
