my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
