Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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