omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
