Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Drunk is not a location!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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