Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
