Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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