So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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