fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
