wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Randomize
