Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
