I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
