That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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