this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize