She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
