But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
