the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
