Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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