Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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