I faked an abortion last night.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
