If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
