shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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