i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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