What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
