you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
