Define "chronic" masturbator.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
