I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Randomize
