ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
It was a blind-side dick pic.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
