Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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